What I love about Spring

I love this time of year. The weather is changing and everything is coming to life. I picked up Autumn Thursday for my birthday and we celebrated with our own painting party. Friday night Donny invited some friends and family over and he cooked gumbo and jambalaya. I loved sitting around and sharing funny stories with the girls. My mom and step-dad came up for a weekend too. That was a great present. Mom and I shopped all day Saturday. I found the most awesome comforter set for my bedroom. My mom bought me two lamps I loved too. I've included a pics.

Life is good these days. Tomorrow is my first official day in the office at my new job. I'm so excited to get going.

I miss seeing everyone on here. And Robbie, sorry i haven't returned your call yet. Last week was a blur. Guess it worked out though because you didn't end up coming through the Fort.

Enjoy your day!

It's Official!

It's official. I got a job and it is so perfect only God could make it possible. I accepted a position with CASA. Its where I worked a few years back. But this time I only have to do the public relations side of the job. No courtroom or casework. I get to do what I love. This week I designed an ad for the newspaper and now I'm working on 2 movies. It's only 20 hours a week, which is what I wanted. I didn't think I would find a part time job that would pay enough or doing something I like. God is so good.

changes

Wow, I can't believe I haven't been here for 5 weeks. A lot has happened in that time.

April went to court and FINALLY her charges were dropped to a misdemeanor. woohoo! God is good.
I quit school. After lots of praying, talking, crying, etc. I decided I wasn't willing to continue how my life was going this semester. It was one of the most miserable times in my life. I realized I love art, but not that much! I realized my passion is helping people and I need time to be with family and friends or Vicki isn't a happy person. Life is too short!!
Once I made the decision to drop, I have to say it was if I lost a ton of weight.
I'm not sure what's in store for me as far as a job, but I know I want it to be where I can work from my heart.

There is a possibility in the works, but I can't mention details yet. As soon as it's confirmed, I'll let ya know. Keep me in your prayers please. Thanks!!

Keeping it Real!

After talking with Robbie about keeping things real, I decided to do that here again. I started this blog as a way to "work" through my life, but it has evolved into a scrapbook. Which that's not a bad thing, but what happened is I forgot why I started this blog thing to begin with. So here's to keeping it real!

I'm back in school for another semester. I am taking 5 classes.So far things are going well. Last week though, I struggled with knowing what I want to be when I grow up. Yes, I'm 45 and should already know that, but I've always done things the hard way. I think the reason I;m questioning this is because most jobs I've had have come some natural to me. Especially the jobs in social work. I love being a problem solver especially when it fits into relationships. When I started college I knew I wanted to go another direction and pursue my love for creating things. The problem I can't solve? It isn't coming easy. Okay, I did make the deans list last semester (go me), but it wasn't easy. Maybe that's my whole problem right there! I want life to be easy. I've come to the realization that I will bend over backwards to find a short cut to save time. This came to my realization while working math problems. I have this whole weird thing about wasting time. If I can't produce results for my time, I feel I wasted it. And you never get back wasted time! Wonder why I think that's a bad thing? Maybe it goes back to being a perfectionist? Heck if I know at this point.

Anyways, back to college. When I signed up for graphic design it never dawned on me that I would be drawing a lot. I mean I did have a drawing class last semester, but I thought that was all I would have to do. The problem with drawing is...... I Can't Draw!! Even growing up, when we had to draw a picture in class, all I could manage was a house with a chimney and windows. On a good day I might draw a recognizable tree. So for that reason, I never spent any time drawing. Well now I'm finding out drawing is a much needed skill. DUH! What is so frustrating me right now is when we are given an assignment we have to submit thumbnails of our design ideas. this is where I feel so limited. I have no problem coming up with ideas all day, but when it comes to putting those ideas into a picture, my brain shuts down!!! It kinda feels like I want to write a letter, but I can't read. I don't understand the language of drawing. Donny tried to help me, but it took him drawing one picture to confirm to me, I'm in over my head. He can draw amazing things! I'm so jealous.

I've talked to my teacher about this and he assures me that in the "real" world of design it's not going to matter because every thing's on the computer. Okay that sounds all great, but what about RIGHT NOW? Right now, I need to draw my ideas.... I don't have any answers to this but it does feel good to talk it out.

Another thing that's bothering me is....... I know this is a shocker to my friends who know me, my girls. I go through periods where I have peace. But lately I'm frustrated because I don't feel important to them. When I have this thought, I tell myself they probably feel the same way about me. I want to tell them how to fix their problems BUT they don't want to know what I think! How can I not voice my concerns? I hate acting like everything is just great when it's not. I want to scream!!!! Get your SHIT together already!! I'm mad!! I'm mad that I have no voice in their lives. They tell me I do, but when I mention something I get a wall. Amber told me once that she cares so much about what I think. The problem with that is she also feels she can't please me. So that brings me to the question...... Am I hard to please? Will I ever be satisfied with the choices my adult children make?
Can I learn to enjoy them even when....? I'm trying. I really am, but I have moments. Moments when I have the need to fix. Fix what "I" think is broken in their lives. Maybe I just have the need to do something....because having no control over their choices sucks!! I know I don't like to disappoint my mom and when she questions something in my life, I get defensive. But on the same page, I know my mom is the one person who can set me straight! I just want to control when she does it. I have no problem telling her things I need help figuring out. She is very wise. But there again, I want it to be on my terms. As Donny reminds me often, "The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree." And what a fruity tree it is. Well, I've run out of time, but I'll be back cause I've got lots more to get out!! Thanks Robbie for helping me get back to being real! I do feel much better. ")

The Heavens Declare His Glory

The other day Donny and I witnessed this magnificent sunset. I was in awe of the beauty. At one point it looked like the sunset was coming from a ball of fire. I laughed and told Donny God was showing off! As much as I strive to become an artist, I will NEVER create something as beautiful as this. And that's okay. I serve a God who can take the empty canvas we call sky and paint splendor like this! There will never be anything on this earth created by me or any man that will ever stir in me the awe I felt that day! Here are a few more pictures. Enjoy!

Psalm 19:1-3 (Contemporary English Version)

The Wonders of God and the Goodness of His Law

The heavens keep telling
the wonders of God,
and the skies declare
what he has done.

Each day informs
the following day;
each night announces
to the next.

They don't speak a word,
and there is never
the sound of a voice.

Aha!

This morning Kevin talked about how Jesus isn't our sidekick and how John prayed that he (John) would decrease while Jesus increased in him. At that moment I had an Aha. I must decrease in 2009 and He must increase. This can mean several things, but in my case it has to do with my relationship with food, my health and being overweight. I've been on WW for a month now, but have only followed it faithfully for a week.

As Kevin was sharing his own struggles with food, I realized my "mantra" for 2009 is

" I must decrease and Jesus must increase in 2009!"

Relating this to my weight and health issue it gives me something to meditate on in those moments when I want to throw in the towel. Not only do I need to loose weight, I need to loose the parts of me that get in the way of allowing God to be Lord of my heart.
The thing I need to remember is I can't do this. I can only surrender my will while God changes my heart. In Him there is freedom!!