Okay friends. I thought it might be interesting to throw out a discussion question. I'm curious to get everyone's opinion and see what God brings to light and teaches us. Feel free to comment your thoughts. Don't edit your comments, but write from your heart and what you believe. I really want to know. There has been some discussion already about what it means to be a godly wife. I'm interested in seeing what your thoughts are on this subject.
Finish the sentence below:
A Godly wife is
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts! We can all learn from each other.
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15 comments:
Ok so my first thought, not edited, just the first thing that comes to my mind. Do we put too much of our identity into 'being a wife'. I am not a wife so maybe I can bring a differnt prespective, but it seems there is so much pressure to be the 'perfect' wife. Is God pleased with us even when we fall short in this area?
Just some thoughts.....
thanks Vicki for stimulating some great thoughts and conversation
....a woman who supports her husband (even sometimes when you think he is going down the wrong path), gives her husband opportunities to lead the family (rather than take control like I do), provides Christian advice for her family when they need it, & teaches her children about God so that they can work for Him.
I really enjoy your blogs Vicki. It makes me realize that I'm not the only one struggling with life.
Here is what comes to my mind...
"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubbies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value." Pro 31:10-11
I think it depends on the man you are married to! Being a godly wife to my husband may be different than how other women are Godly to their husbands. I think God convicts us of areas that we are to submit to our husbands within our marriage, but it may not be an area that other women are convicted.
I have deep passion to be an exellant wife towards my husband, not perfect. I desire for him to have FULL confidence in me in all areas of my duties as a godly wife, mother, and woman even when I mess up. I will never be perfect and we both know it!
I think God is pleased when we glorify HIM through our husbands. And through prayer, we KNOW deep within us what WE are to do to be a godly wife to OUR husband.
great thoughts ladies. The scripture that christina shared is so what it's about, and who knows how to be your husbands ruby better than God? He will give us the way to our husbands heart if we just ask. I too Amy, try to control things.
This subject is very interesting to me. There have been so many paths I've taken in my life that took me away from God and his will. As you might have read in my previous entry, I tend toward being indepedendant. This can be a huge problem in a marriage.
But, like Christina said what Donny requires from me as his wife, could be intirely different than Josh might require from her.
What we have to be careful of is knowing what is God's idea of a Godly wife and if our husbands idea of a Godly wife lines up with the word. We all tend to have unrealistic expectations and sometimes we try to make our spouses happy outside God's idea of a godly women.
For example:
In my own life I was married to a very controlling husband. He controled everything to the point I felt he had no respect for me as his wife or even an adult towards the end. At the time I was a fairly new christian and wanted so badly to please God and my husband. My heart was right, but somewhere I lost myself. I spent so much of my time trying to live up to what I thought he needed from me, I neglected myself. You see my husband wasn't a christian at the time and I felt it was my duty to win him over with my GODLY behavior. When in reality my godly behavior was actually submitting to a controlling spirit. Now hear me out, i'm NOT saying all men are controlling spirits. :)
But, in my situation I tried to be this perfect wife who stayed home with the kids, do all the housework, homework, cooking, errands, sex on demand, and control the kids so daddy wouldn't "GO OFF" without any warning. He made all the rules without any input from me and I was given an weekly allowance which I usually spent on buying neccessities for the girls since that wasn't in his budget. I lived this for 12 long years. I taught my girls how to walk around their fathers moods. He had so many stupid rules. One I especially remember is we could only open 1 box of cereal at a time. Of course I thought that was the most ridiculous rule I'd ever heard, but being the godly wife all my friends said I had to be, I taught my kids not to dare think about opening another box until the last one was ate. One day he found two boxes had been opened at once. When he discovered this fact, he took the boxes and swung the cereal all over the kitchen and proceeded to yell the rule of "One box only". Of course the girls were scared to death and I was PISSED! But what did I do? After I finished cleaning up the cereal I fussed at the kids and shamed them for not following the rules and making their dad mad! Why did I do that? It wasn't because I agreed with what he did. It was because I was taught by well meaning older christian women in my church that it was my duty to keep the peace in my house and do whatever it took to keep my husband happy.
Being older and wiser now, it often breaks my heart to see young moms falling into this same trap.
I hope as you read this you hear my heart. I know as a friend to younger moms, I want to encourage them to discover who they are in the eyes of their heavenly Father first. You see, if I would've understood how God sees me in the role of a Godly women before i became a godly wife, I would've understood why God expects men to treat their wives like he treats his church. I didn't know then how valuable I was to God and how it broke his heart to see how the girls and I were being treated. But because I got married way to young (16) I tried to be a Godly wife through a broken image of who God made me. This story could go on and on, but I will end it here. Any thoughts or scriptures come to mind?
I feel that being a Godly wife is something that you can only achieve to be if your husband is achieving to be a Godly husband. Because I believe marriage is a partnership...the expectations are to be shared, not placed upon one or the other.
Being selfless yet, expecting the same in return from your spouse.
Giving without thought of receiving and expecting that in return.
Loving wholly and expecting that love returned.
I just feel it can only work if you are BOTH achieving to be what God intended you to be in your marriage.
I have always seeked scripture when I want to hear exactly what God is asking of me. One that I use all the time is the classic 1 Peter 3:1-2 'Wives in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.' Josh does not fall under being a godly husband and he will admit it, it's no secret. But I felt that I cannot dishonor the Lord and his word, so I gave up waiting for Josh to do his part. And this scripture has REALLY been my backbone when I want to give up waiting for him to become the spiritual leader of our home.
Matthew 6:33 is also one that I keep in the back of my head ALL THE TIME!! 'Seek first the kingdom og God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.' I feel this is where I grow the most in my marriage as a Godly woman. I can't follow my husband without knowing what God ask of me first. I want to stand strong in the word before my husband. God will show me what is right and what is wrong. But that does not mean I am going to go about preaching to Josh either, can't say I never have though:) God ask that I love my husband at all times which of course brings me to the next scripture.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Love takes on so many forms and this really touches my heart when I read it. As a matter of fact, when I recently wrote this scripture on my blog, I became convicted in "keeping records of wrongs." I am so good about remembering EVERY THING (why did you make me such a detailed person anyway God?) Not that I am using that as an excuse, but I need to forgive and give to God.
Marriage is so hard,Josh and I argue all the time, but God's word tell us so gently where to begin.
I think you are SO right Vicki about not submitting to our husband's idea of a Godly wife. It's tricky at times. We can be taken advantage of so easily in our faith. That's why we need to be equipped in God's word to glorify GOD through our husbands.
I have really enjoyed this discussion! Got any other questions to start another one, I have learned so much about what women are feeling??? :)
Okay, here's another question along the same subject of being a Godly wife.
What about SEX..Yes..I said it...
Do you believe a God expects us to have sex with our husbands everytime he wants it?
I know the scripture your thinking of. The one about your body doesn't belong to you.....Think that's it. Well, what if our husband has an addiction to porn or sex?
Are we obligated to have sex with him just to keep his eye from wandering or seeking other sexual pleasures. And let me just say right here NO, Donny doesn't have a problem with either. :)
I've just seen this in some marriages through the years and wondered if this is something women are taught in our society or church or what? I was taught this and I lived with tons of guilt when I turned my husband down due to things broken in my spirit from my past. (long story I will spare you)I know I've opened a can of worms. LOL
HI Vicki! I have been out of blogland forever it feels like and if you look at my list, it goes in alphabetical order so I came to yours last and you, Christina, and Randi all seem to be on the same page! Where am I? OH LALA LAND! anyway...I haven't read everyone's comments because I am dying to go to bed and you are my last stop but off the top of my head, like I told Christina earlier
I think a godly wife is someone who serves as unto the Lord and not just to her husband.... there have been many times I have wanted to throw in the towel because I don't feel Mike does his part (being a Godly leader). But I honor God by staying : )
I need to learn to pray for my husband..I think I am so caught up in juggling 6 kids, I forget to pray for him! Hmmmm
well, I am going to send myself a note to remind me to come back here tomorrow to read everyone's thoughts and maybe I'll change my comment then : ) haha Goodnight!
Holy cow! I missed a lot today! Off the top of my head, I'm thinking that we are only responsible for ourselves, not for our husbands. So...I have to live according to what God says first. So if God says be submissive to my husband, isn't that what I'm supposed to do? He doesn't say only when he's right or when you feel like it. I think that applies to a lot of things, finances, sex, etc. Let me just stop right here and say that I suck at this, but that's what comes to mind....
Ultimately it is submitting to God. I noticed a lot whent the bible talks about being a submissive wife it also goes on to talk about submitting to one another as believers. I believe really our attitude should be that of humility which is submitting. Holding others up and wanting the best God has for them weather that is our husbands or others. And Paul talked about marriage being a picture of Jesus and the church. Jesus submitted while He was here on earth. Submitted even to those who treated him wrongly. I believe we need to focus on giving up our rights, walking in humility with each other and being submissive to one another.
Okay, now I figured out what it is about the word SUBMIT that makes me nervous. I have a problem giving up my rights. OUCH...that is painful. When we marry we aren't thinking about the sacrifices or dying to ourselves that will come. At least I wasn't. I was thinking about how my husband was going to make me happy. I admit friends, I have a problem still with letting my rights go.
As I'm writing this I'm also watching a show called clean house. There is a couple on the show that have been married two years and have a newborn baby.
Their house is horrible. Clutter everywhere and in everyroom. They haven't even put together their baby's crib because the nursery is full of junk. Also, the living room is painted red . The husband made it clear he hates the red. The wife told the show host that he doesn't have a say on how she decorates. I'm listening to the people on the show try to talk the couple out of individual items. The husband has a punching bag he refuses to give up. He told the host he won't get rid of it because of principal. What's the principal you ask? You did ask right?
The reason he refuses to get rid of it is because his wife won't let him have anything of his own. (which is not true) WOW! This couple needs more than a clean house team. They need a marriage counselor! But, it's a perfect example of what happens when a couple isn't willing to give in to each other. Stubborness is a quick relationship killer. they will take their principals straight to divorce court I'm sure.
That brings me to a point. (finally)
A Godly wife is willing to submit her rights (within reason of course) to the betterment of her marriage. There are times you just have to let it go girls. You know what I mean. Donny and I can have some silly arguments. And your hopes are that your husband will be willing to do the same, but you decide to give up some rights even if he doesn't just because you love God and know He will work it out eventually if we just obey His will. Okay, so I'm making a connection to submission. Any thoughts on the word submission? Feel free to share your own stories we can learn from too.
Hey G, I'm back! And the comments weren't as long as I thought!!!!
ok, so I do not have an answer about the sex thing but I have a question...If a husband is the head of the house and he makes stupid rules, then what? Am I not supposed to submit even if I don't agree? the rules are not "harmful",just silly like the cereal boxes...
SEX! Did someone say SEX! I think it is important that we have a good, solid intimacy with our husbands in our marriage. But I don't think that I could be with my husband if I knew he had a sexual addiction to anything other than me! That's sad. I do struggle sometimes with pulling myself together and getting my mind right. It's hard when you don't feel like it or you just don't want to be touched in that way. But I do know everytime I get it together, it pays off in lots of ways outside of the bedroom. But I don't know what I would do if my husband was struggling with some type of addiction as you mentioned. I would have to say, I could not bring myself to do it. I would feel sort of used, humilitated, or even betrayed. I think that God would understand since that is a sin on their part. And we should not have to be made to be part of sin like that.
Oh, yeah lets talk about sex!! :-)
How vulnerable does that make us to give ourselves to someone like that. I would think if we are not wanting to be intimate with him then we should ask why. Is there some hurt or anger at something is why we don't want to be intimate. Maybe there is not always a deeper reason but I think it is a question worth asking. Then we need to take care of that issue.
Are there any other singles out there? How does a single woman take care of these desires, how do we let God fulfill them? As far as giving up rights, now I give up my right for sex. But I think God wants to meet my need for intimacy.
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