I have to admit it's been hard to even think about writing in my blog this week. This has been a hard week for me, but I'm trying to press into God and give him my worries. The problem is I would really just like to have a BIG pity party or a guilt trip! Other than the two of those, I'm great.
The situation with April is so hard. What's a mom to do? All mom's try their best, but motherhood comes with no guarantees. It doesn't even come with a 90 day warranty or your life back. The battle in my mind 2-day is what's on my agenda. I know I've got to make the decision to do the hard stuff, like going on with my life even though this situation looks worse. The hard stuff to me is being nice to me. My sweet husband would also say I've not been extra fun to live with this week. He is so good to me and patient. I've learn so much from him about living in the meantime. Donny is naturally an optimistic. Some days it's very annoying. Like today for instance. I slept later than normal. When I came into the kitchen stiff from laying down so long, he was sitting at the table typing away. He has found a book he started writing years ago and he's found the a spark for writing I guess he thought was lost. Ole grumpy here just wanted some stinking coffee. It didn't go over to well when I noticed my lovely husband seemed to be in a chipper mood. I wanted to yell, "What the hell is wrong with you?" Haven't you been through the same crap I've been through?" But I didn't say a word other than I need some space, I'll read your book later when i can think.
i admit there is this selfish part in my soul that wants the world to stop when I'm hurting., The thing is, the world doesn't. It keeps on rotating around the sun as if all is well.
I know in God's world it is all well, but I want to scream HEY!!!! WHAT ABOUT MY WORLD?
As soon as I have this thought, i quickly squash it down, because good Christians aren't supposed to say things like that. (whatever)
I am reading a book right now. It's called, Wrecked. It's okay. Not a joyful read. Mostly about how our culture has corrupted our thinking. I think I should probably read something humorous.
I want to work on something creative today, but I'm not sure I have any creative juices. Maybe I should stir them a little and see.
That reminds me, the other night at home group Amy said something so funny, but true. She saide "don't should all over yourself." Say it outloud.......see...it's sounds like something else. But it's been a good reminder not to dwell on the should'ves and could'ves. I hope my writing here will soon become lighter, but for now, I'm going to be real and not worry about what people think when they read it.
It's truly the best I have today.
On a happy note, I've posted some pics of my sweet husband. I love you hun!
2 comments:
Wow I needed to hear that. I too have had my world messed up lately and you feel alone and no one has ever been where you are. thanks for sharing and letting me know that I am not alone.
Amber Oden
(Christina's friend we met at Hanna's baptisim)
I told you that you speak words of wisdom!! I think we all feel like the world should revolve around our feelings or what is happening in our lives at times. I learned a big one with that while Hanna was in the hospital-remember the "eyeball" revelation-when our world is standing still, the rest of the world goes on.
Keep blogging what you are. Don't change a thing, its you Vicki, who cares what other people think...they ain't all that anyway...can I get an amen sista:)
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