Extended Vacation!

I've been busy cleaning today. Getting ready for Donny and Sean's mead party. I'm a little nervous because we invited the neighbors. Not sure if they'll come, but this is the first thing we've invited them to at our house.

LAst night was really hard for me. I had a meltdown. Due to crap that keeps happening with my kids I decided I'd had enough! I took out my suitcase and starterd throwing clothes into it. I was going on an extended vacaation!!! Of course Donny had no intention of letting me run. Dang it!

I had a great screaming session, even hit the wall a couple of times. After I got all my anger out I just had myself a good cry. This morning I woke up and knew I had to spend some time in the word of God. There is this thing in my life i can't change. It's not having the ability to enjoy my life no matter my circumstances.
It's so hard to live in peace when your children are making poor life decisions. Somethimes I think i've moved past the empty nest and letting go of my adult children, but then i have a moment. The base of this is fear is fear of losing the things I love most. And thinking I know what's best for them.

I can't control anything my kids do! I think I'd like too, but I'm not god. All I can do is pray. Hard!
And trusts that God will never let me down or leave me without hope.

God, I need you today! fill my mind with your peace as I focus on your word. You promise me so much. My part is to believe. Back to that faith thing. I want to have faith, but somedays it's soooo hard! Help my unbelief.

I surrender my kids to you and leave the results of their decisions at your feet. Direct their steps and please don't let them move so far away from you that they never return. Help me not to make this about me. You alone are in control and that's a safe thing. You will never let me go or my kids.


On a good note, April came over for dinner last night. I had a good visit with her and just tried to love on her unconditionally.